My Zombie Apocalypse DISASTER Team

For every successful team, there's a team that's doomed long before the Zombies ever came. So here is the cataclysmic collision of catastrophe!

The Rules:

The Clueless Leader is exactly what it says on the tin.
The Weasel is the opportunistic person who is more interested in benefiting his or herself than saving lives from the zombies and will manipulate the situation if need calls for it.
The Junk Builder is the person who has no reason to be anywhere near a construction site, let alone power tools.
The Coward, like the Clueless Leader, is exactly what it says on the tin.
The Gambler is the person who throws away the concept of a cost/benefit analysis and risks everything while assuming it will all work out in the end.
The Wrong Guy is the worst possible person and given the worst possible job position that is extremely essential for survival.
The Infected is the person who is knowingly infected by the Zombie plague but refuses to let anyone know about it.
The Only Smart One, like the Clueless Leader and the Coward, is exactly what it says on the tin. This person is also most likely to be the only survivor of the team.

The Clueless Leader: Kal-AOL from the Marville comics. Kal, the (supposed) son of Ted Turner of the far future is sent back in time to prevent a cataclysm in the future that never came. Not being able to have the forethought of using his (supposed) father's time machine to return to his home time, or to warn the past about the impending zombie apocalypse, Kal has gotten himself trapped into the situation. For reasons still unknown to this day, Kal thought he was obligated to lead the survivors to safety. However, Kal made a lecture against killing zombies and it isn't because of ethics against tormenting those who were once human beings. Kal claimed that killing a zombie will kill all of the micro-organisms inside the zombie and that it would be exactly like committing the Holocaust. Because of this lecture, it came to no one's surprise when the survivors assumed Starscream was the original, defacto leader. In the attempt to redeem himself, Kal tried to negotiate a deal with the zombies only to be eaten alive and nothing of value was lost.

The Weasel: Lina Inverse from Slayers. Upon hearing rumors of Starscream laying claim on an extremely rare treasure, Lina Inverse infiltrated Starscream's stronghold in search of it. Before she could enter the stronghold's treasure room, Lina has gotten trapped by Starscream and the two made a deal. Lina will get her freedom and the sought after treasure if Lina kills off all of the zombies in the city. Lina agrees to the terms and was lead to the ramparts of the fortification...

Darkness beyond twilight
Crimson beyond blood that flows
Buried in the stream of time is where your power grows
I pledge myself to conquer all the foes who stand
before the mighty gift bestowed in my unworthy hand
Let the fools who stand before me be destroyed
by the power you and I possess...
DRAGON SLAVE!

The Junk Builder: Bertiechap from the Gamechap YT channel. Bertie at your service! All of your construction needs will be all taken care of and they will all meet the BSA approval standards! Munition holdings within the stronghold will be at a far distance of three feet away from all living quarters. Food supplies will stored in convenient storage facilities made from the finest cardboard available. All explosive devices will be located within the wall ramparts for easy accessibility.

The Coward: Starscream from Transformers. When Lina Inverse unleashed the Dragon Slave upon the city, the Decepticon Starscream made his escape knowing full well that Lina will go after him when she finds out that Starscream lied about the existence of the treasure she's after. Starscream's escape came at the most convenient time when the Dragon Slave's shock wave ruptured and detonated the explosive devices hidden in the ramparts. However, Bertie's building mismanagement was a mixed blessing for Starscream's escape. The explosions from the ramparts started a chain reaction on all of the munition holdings which lead to a big enough explosion to overwhelm the Dragon Slave.

The Gambler: Dick Dasterdly from the Hanna-Barbera cartoons. Dick's penchant for dirty deeds had won the favor from Starscream and was appointed as the stronghold's "defense" commander. When Starscream made a deal with Lina Inverse, Dick was ordered to setup Lina with a "permenant" removal. The trap was simple, Lina will go up on a specific section of the ramparts, Lina will cast her spells, parts of the rampart underneath her gets blown up, and Lina will fall down into the outside part of the wall where zombies will get her. What Dick didn't know about is that Lina can magically fly away from danger. When Dragon Slave was unleashed and the stronghold began blowing up, Dasterdly decided to cut his losses and bailed.

The Wrong Guy: Peter Griffin from Family Guy. Peter, while somehow smarter than Kal-AOL, was the bane for everyone in the stronghold. He had one job and that was to empty the "contents" in septic pool into the incinerator engine. When the incinerator engine was at full capacity and there was still "contents" in the septic pool, rather than waiting for the incinerator engine to burn away a portion of fuel, Peter decided to clear out the pool by throwing a stick of dynamite into it. It took three weeks everyone to clean off the plastered "contents" off the walls.

The Infected: Firebrand from the Battle for Bludhaven comic series. When Firebrand caught wind of Starscream becoming the acting Overlord of a nearby stronghold, Firebrand marks Starscream for death. It wasn't because Starscream has a history of violence towards innocent lives and previously worked under the tyrannical Megatron. Firebrand's reason were so convoluted and inconsistent, no one bothered to right it down because there was too much confusion. On his way to the stronghold, Firebrand was making one of his overt proclamations about his rhetoric. The noise Firebrand was making provoked a mob of zombies and one of them managed to bite him. Not taking his wound seriously, Firebrand continued his way to the stronghold. When he got there, Firebrand managed to incite the local settlers into having riot to oppose Starscream. But during the riot, no one noticed Firebrand turning into a zombie and half of the mob got infected before anything could be done. With so many new zombies roaming around, Starscream had to find someone to deal with them.

The Only Smart One: Twilight Sparkle from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

Dear Princess Celestia,

I'm writing to you to let you know that I'm perfectly safe and sound along side with Captain Sonora. However, I must warn you about the people I've listed in this letter.

Starscream, my former captor, is still at large. When he had me kidnapped and contained in an anti-teleportation field, he wanted me to tell him classified secrets for his own nefarious purposes. Thankfully, I've only told him trivial information that I've complicated to throw him off.

Dick Dasterdly, Starscream's second in command, is a liar and an unforgiving trickster. He is also very reckless and a danger to himself sometimes.

Finally, there's Lina Inverse. She's dangerously powerful with her magic she draws from the Dark Lord, Shabrinegdo along with being equally greedy. The only who seems to be more powerful than her, per say, is a man named Bertie who managed to create an even bigger explosion than Lina's Dragon Slave. Even though Bertie's last location was at the ground zero of the explosion, I'm not sure of his fate. As for Lina, I'm not sure what her motives are but I say you need to keep your guard up if you cross paths with her.

Yours truly,

Twilight Sparkle